I lost my favourite aunt
Last month I lost my favourite aunt unexpectedly. The loss brought up old resentment and sadness around family politics. In the following days my motivation to be productive disappeared. How can I carry on with my daily routine when my cousins and extended family are hurting? I’m hurting.
One day I managed to chant in the morning with my Buddhist group but as soon as we'd finished I just sat in silence staring out the window. I decided to check my emails and saw a friend of mine had emailed me to invite me to her Buddhist meeting that was due to start in 2 mins time. I couldn’t be bothered and so I started to type out a reply saying thanks but I can’t make it, then suddenly a thought came to mind. 'Well what else am I going to do but mope around all day?’ So I deleted my sentence and joined online.
Their theme was around hope but if I’m honest, I don’t remember the details of the presentations, talks, videos etc. I took in their friendly faces, recognised some people and that’s about it. My mind couldn’t concentrate on words, but the repetition of the word hope cropping up every now and then made me realise something.
It didn’t matter that I couldn’t pay attention to what was being shown. By my attendance I had chosen hope. I had chosen a positive way out of my current state, which essentially was the whole point of the meeting. Hope is a decision, that much I got from the meeting.
We all need to cultivate our own hope, no matter what. That’s the key to moving forward.
When have you chosen hope? Would you like to share?