One evening a few weeks ago, out of nowhere I had this enormous amount of negativity. In my head I rattled through my determinations for this year and I just thought to myself, ‘I’m never going to achieve that.’ ‘Why would I get that?’ ‘I’m never going to fulfil my creative ambitions’. This negativity felt so huge and it just took over my mind.
I had yet to do evening gongyo but I didn’t feel like doing so. Sometimes I feel as if I need to be in a good place before I chant in front of my Gohonzon, but then I remembered that happy or sad, the first thing to do is always to chant, so I did evening gongyo; the fastest gongyo ever.
Afterwards I forced myself to write down in my journal how I was feeling and then on a sheet of paper I wrote down all the good deeds that I’d been making this year. I soon found myself being my own motivational coach, writing ‘erm no, I am a good person, I do deserve the things that I want and I’m going to get them.’
Obviously in this present moment I can’t see a way of achieving the things I’ve been chanting for, but being vigilant to negative thinking is important because having doubts can influence the results of determinations.
What things do you do to overcome negative self-talk?