It’s been a while since I’ve cried, so it was a surprise when my head dropped on to my palms and I let it all out. At a meeting about joy, no less.
The simplest way for me to describe being happy or joyful is with emojis. Any smiling emoji will do for happy, but for joy, it has to be the cart wheel; my version of “jumping for joy.” So why the tears?
I’m not realising my potential.
I get overwhelmed by the amount of ideas that my mind comes up with, but to move from idea to creation is a huge struggle. If I don't action them, the ideas stay somewhere in my brain and resurface now and again, due to a cue in my environment. This makes me feel guilty for not developing them, because I know how much value they could bring to people.
This is the scenario.
Just as I get in bed to go to sleep, an idea pops into my head that gets me incredibly excited. Instead of sleeping, I’m attached to my phone researching. Eventually I lay my head to sleep, but within an hour of waking up in the morning, I’ve talked myself out of the idea. It's because I think of possible obstacles and get weighed down by them, even though they've not happened yet! A few days later this pattern repeats itself; with the same idea or a different one.
If it wasn’t for a lady in the meeting mentioning “fundamental darkness”, I would have been been wondering what the heck was going on with me. According to Nichiren Buddhism, “fundamental darkness” is an “inability to see or recognize the truth, particularly the true nature of one’s life.” In The Record of the Orally Transmitted Teachings it says that, “Belief is a sharp sword that cuts off fundamental darkness or ignorance.”
This is so true.
I think back to 2020, when I was planning a joint study lecture and came up with an idea for an animation to illustrate a concept. It was a challenge to believe that my idea was good enough and that I could bring the vision to life, even though I didn’t know where to begin. Through chanting I overcame personal doubts to source an illustrator, a voice over artist and an editor. The habit of backing away from my inspiration as soon as sunrise came wasn’t a routine then. So note to self: dwelling about obstacles is ignorance of my potential. Keep going back to my Gohonzon and chant. Chant nam-myoho-renge-kyo to believe in my untapped ability.
Do you have experiences of when you overcame ignorance of your potential?